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Marriage is…

July 17, 2008

I met a friend early this morning on the way to work. At first, I didn’t realise it was her until she called out my name. She looked stunning and beautiful. Maybe the morning sun was playing tricks on me but she really looked good.

We exchanged pleasantries and asked how things are. As I rarely see her, I honestly don’t know how she’s doing her. She said she’s fine as usual but something just didn’t look right from her face.

I noticed she was looking at a young girl in a school uniform heading our way. ‘That’s my step-daughter,’ she said still looking straight to the girl. I was surprised and thought she was joking. As I turned my head to study the girl, my friend kept on saying, ‘Yes, that’s my step-daughter.’

Whoah! I didn’t know what to say to her. ‘Oh yes, hubby just got married last weekend,’ she said with sadness in her eyes. ‘We still live together but at the moment he is staying with his new wife and her kids,’ she continued without waiting for me to speak.

As I was dumb-founded, she said to me that she accepted that fate. ‘That’s life I guess, my life,’ she said as she opened her arms to the young girl. The girl didn’t look happy either, I don’t know if that’s her morning look as you can imagine how grumpy some kids are when waking up to go to school or it was beyond words as her family changes situation now.

I turned to my friend and offered her my empathy as we both excused ourselves. I really didn’t expect this news. As long as I remember she was happily married. Something click me as I type now, I met her with her kids about two or three weeks ago at the cinema. Now I realised why the hubby was not with them at that time. I asked where her hubby was and I remember she just smiled. Ouch! Now I feel guilty.   

What gets me is how is it that men (not necessarily directing to my friend’s hubby) are allowed to marry when some of them can’t even buy their own meal? I know the procedure to be granted a second marriage is to get the first wife’s approval for the marriage to go ahead. I also know that the men should satisfy the Kadi Office that they have enough evidence to prove that they can feed two (or up to four) wives and children (and maybe step-children) and other obligations. Oh, I am so dizzy thinking of this, partly it affects my dear friend.

I always thought that marriage is a beautiful thing as two loving souls unite. What happen? 

Allah our Creator says in the Noble Quran:

“Among His signs is that He created for you spouses of your own kind in order that you may repose to them in tranquillity and He instilled in your hearts love and affection for one another; verily, in these are signs for those who reflect (on the nature of the reality).” (translation of surah Ar-Rum: 21). I wish my friend all the best and for my own.

A tip from The Brunei Times on how to keep your marriage healthy says: PREVENTION is better than cure. Muslims should not wait until all signs of a marriage cracking up scream for attention before launching repair work. Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessing be upon him) taught his companions that mercy and caring for families was the underpinning of the society. Families are the heart of a society, and here are some tips – based on the Prophet’s teaching – to ensure that it remains healthy. Learning here.

3 Comments leave one →
  1. July 17, 2008 6:52 pm

    Your friend is very special…

  2. July 25, 2008 2:39 am

    Am touched by this posting.. Well, truly indeed that your friend is very special.. Letting someone you dearly love is very difficult.. Leaving together, is another thing which is very difficult.. She must be a very strong woman..

    Wishing her all the best of luck in life.. How in the world can the hubby did this to her?

    The fact that she sent her step daughter to school shows that she is very special..

  3. Ramble On permalink
    July 28, 2008 9:38 am

    Thanks to you both… Life is weird at times. This is what I believe in faith.

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